New Presidential Candidate Suspiciously Reasonable
TUCSON — This Wednesday, a suspiciously reasonable politician declared their official candidacy in the race for the Democratic nomination in the presidential election of 2020. […]
Articles by Max Flora
coalition of lo-fi artists ban capital letters
a basement — this tuesday, a board of music producers in charge of overseeing the lo-fi artistic community released a memo to their constituency banning […]
Student Swamped With Work Watches Three Episodes of “Friends”
WESTWOOD — Craig Hillsdale, a fourth-year political science student, is enrolled in four classes that are all holding final exams in the following three days. […]
SCAND 50 Professor Starting To Get Suspicious
WESTWOOD — UCLA professor Teresa Andersen is reportedly getting suspicious about the consistent school-wide enthusiasm for her course, Scandinavian 50. “Well, yeah, I do think it’s […]
Saint Valentine Still Not Sure How He Got Caught Up In This Whole Thing
HEAVEN — Although he was venerated by the Church for his contributions to chivalry and courtly love, Saint Valentine is not really sure what he […]
Uber Driver Trapped In Eternal Loop Around Hill
WESTWOOD — Uber driver Zvonko Christensen has reportedly been trapped in an eternal loop around the residence halls of UCLA, tirelessly navigating the winding one-way roads […]
UCLA Housing Surprised To Learn Elevators Need Permits
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing administration was astonished to learn on Friday that the Hill’s elevators do, in fact, need permits. “It just completely slipped […]
National Crisis Averted By New National Crisis
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Last week, the United States experienced a tragic event that altered the lives of many and was covered by every news outlet […]
Domino’s Announces Free Eye Drops Now Included With Large Pizza
ANN ARBOR, MI – On Thursday, Domino’s Pizza Chief Operating Officer Russell Weiner announced that customers will now receive complimentary eye drops with their delivery […]
New Meal Plan Equates One Swipe With Ten Minutes At The Trough
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing Department recently instituted a new meal plan that would provide students with ten minutes at The Trough, a communal feeding […]