Uber Driver Trapped In Eternal Loop Around Hill

WESTWOOD — Uber driver Zvonko Christensen has reportedly been trapped in an eternal loop around the residence halls of UCLA, tirelessly navigating the winding one-way roads crafted by a cruel God. “Every time Google Maps says I’ve made it to Hedrick Hall, I stop, and then the same thing happens. The passenger isn’t standing there, a traffic volunteer tells me I’ll have to keep it moving, and the same guy in a beanie skateboards past my car listening to Astroworld. Okay, watch! In 8 seconds, that girl is going to spill her kombucha. See? See?” said Christensen, who has been driving around the Hill for twelve days now. “I would have just canceled the trip by now, but every time I do, another student immediately requests a ride.” Christensen added that he’s suspicious the university’s recent partnership with Lyft may have something to do with this unusual condition.