National Crisis Averted By New National Crisis

Graphic by Isaiah Little

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Last week, the United States experienced a tragic event that altered the lives of many and was covered by every news outlet in America until Monday, when a new national crisis occurred which moved the first crisis entirely out of the country’s concerns. “We are sad to say that our proud country has been victim to yet another disaster, but fortunately it was bad enough for us to completely forget about the last one,” said a nonspecific politician, refreshing his Twitter to see if his public statement received any online traction. “I offer my sincere thoughts and prayers to the families of those involved. You will be in all of our hearts until the next tragedy inevitably happens.” White House officials were last seen utilizing copy and paste in order to deliver a speech to the public the following day.

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Maxwell "Rough n Tumble" "Go Buy Me Some Vegan Snacks" Geronimo "Geronimo" Flora wastes a lot of time on this publication.