CHICAGO–With the Chicago Cubs’ World Series win this Wednesday, liberal America has begun praying that the nation’s quota for unfathomable victories has been fulfilled for the rest of the year.
“I mean, you can’t tell me that the Cubs can win the World Series and Donald Trump can be President of the United States in the same year,” said Reggie Reynolds, local Democrat voter. “It’s great the Cubs have won and all, but what they’ve really done is saved us from another blindside, right? I can only handle so much unpredictability.”
Even Chicago White Sox fans, who have relentlessly mocked the team’s 108 years of failure, are banking on their crosstown rival’s newfound title to be the last of the year’s unforeseen triumphs.
“I was a little worried that it was already November and everything this year had gone down as expected, ” said John Borro, lifelong Sox fan and voting Democrat. “The Broncos won the Super Bowl, the Penguins won the Stanley Cup, and Yoweri Museveni became the President of Uganda. I saw it all coming. It was only a matter of time before we were thrown for a loop and everything imploded. Thank God the Cubs did it first.”
Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton was also one among millions to watch history be made in Game 7. At time of victory, she was overheard whispering “Okay, that’s enough surprises for now” to no one in particular.