Strange Feeling Inside America’s Gut Diagnosed as Hope

By , in National News News in Briefs on .

BIRMINGHAM, AL — After seeing Democratic candidate Doug Jones defeat Republican Roy Moore in the Alabama senate special election today, the nation was diagnosed with a rare case of early-onset hope. “At first, I just thought it was gas,” the nation explained, with tears in its eyes and a big smile. “But I guess this weird feeling I haven’t felt in so long is actually a small glimmer of hope for our country’s future,” the nation continued, considering the prospect that maybe the frequent nightmares would finally come to an end. At press time, the nation admitted that it still had “a ways to go” but perhaps this strange feeling inside would one day feel normal again.