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Month: March 2015

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Girl Who Switched From Glasses To Contacts Still As Unattractive As Ever

March 10, 2015 Christopher Wong 0

RICHMOND, VA — Following several seconds of one-sided deliberation, classmates of Polk Middle School 7th grader Bethany Walton confirmed to reporters Tuesday that despite her […]

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2 Severely Injured In Fire, My Bad

March 9, 2015 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Two civilians, Glen and Lisa, were hospitalized earlier today after I accidentally knocked a candle over, setting fire to their apartment. “Clearly he didn’t […]

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Man Shoplifts Chinese Character From Tattoo Parlor

March 9, 2015 Jasmine Don 0

SANTA MONICA―An unidentified shoplifter left La Pistola Tattoo Parlor with a stolen tattoo of the Chinese character for “strength” on his lower back, police reported […]

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Real Life Growing Increasingly Hard To Satirize

March 9, 2015 Jasmine Don 0

LOS ANGELES—A recent study by the News Inanity Research Laboratory revealed that the increasingly ridiculous state of real events has triggered a dangerous shortage of […]

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Report: 70% Of LA Drivers Now Driving Poorly Out Of Spite

March 9, 2015 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—A recent survey conducted by the Los Angeles County department of transportation found that as many as 70% of Los Angeles drivers who admitted […]

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