Ask The Enabler: Is It Too Late To Cancel My Den Pass Refund?
Dear Westwood Enabler, I bought a Den Pass to maximize my time at UCLA and to give my uncle yet another excuse to bet on […]
Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]
Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat
WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]
Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit
WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]
Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died
WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]
John Wooden Center Replaces Treadmills With Giant Hamster Wheels
WESTWOOD — After months of construction, the John Wooden Center has unveiled its new cardio area, which features giant hamster wheels in place of the […]
Jerry Neuheisel Admits to Using Etsy Witch After Win Against Penn State
WESTWOOD — In a press conference following UCLA Football’s upset victory against now-unranked Penn State, UCLA interim offensive coordinator Jerry Neuheisel revealed that he had […]
New Business Club Interview Process Includes Fitting Camel Through Eye of Needle
WESTWOOD – After a thorough LinkedIn assessment, seven coffee chats, and a “sell me this Bible” challenge, Bruin Business Corporation Consulting Organization LLC now asks […]
Bruin Walk Sales Revealed To Be First Level Of Purgatory
BRUIN WALK — In an exclusive interview with the Enabler, prolific Bruin Walk salesperson Ven Moe disclosed today that selling wares on the well-trod pathway […]