UCPD Enlists California Highway Patrol to Boost Middling Police Violence Rates
WESTWOOD — Following weeks of peace and safety on campus, UCPD has announced a partnership with the California Highway Patrol in an attempt to restore […]
Uncategorized
Opinion: Halloweekend Was For Hot Girls But Veteransdaynight Is For Us Mediocre Bitches
UCLA is full of beautiful, talented, funny, smart, and well-rounded women. I am not one of them. And that’s okay! I can clean the hell […]
Rocco’s First Bar to Admit 10-Year-Old: “His ID Scanned” Claims Bouncer
WESTWOOD — Craving an apple juice on the rocks, ten-year-old James Kidd used his mom’s ID to gain entry to local bar Rocco’s Tavern last […]
Pasadena Native Won’t Shut Up About NYC Mayoral Race
WESTWOOD — Despite never traveling east of Joshua Tree, second-year political science student and Pasadena native Callie West will not shut up about New York […]
Economists Worried As Daylight Savings Runs Out
WALL STREET — With the last of daylight savings running out last night, some economists are fearing the worst. “Americans everywhere were already living paycheck […]
Jay Leno Arrested After Aiming Chin At Conan O’Brien At Oscars Afterparty
HOLLYWOOD — Vanity Fair’s 2025 Oscar Party dissolved into a state of panic after former Tonight Show host Jay Leno aimed his chin at fellow […]
Student Starves To Death After Rendez Burrito Preparation Took Too Long
WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday, first-year Labor Studies major Eleanor Rivera tragically passed away from starvation after her Rendezvous West chicken burrito took too long to […]
Heartbreaking: Newborn Really Named Kyle
JACKSONVILLE, FL — New “boy mom” Karen Shields recently shocked her Facebook friends by announcing the birth of her terribly named son, Kyle. “When my […]