Report: Grandma Way Nicer After Alzheimer’s
PHILADELPHIA – Local grandchild Emily Youngen was extremely relieved this Thanksgiving as she realized her grandmother’s severe memory loss has made her a much kinder […]
Relationships
Trump Gives 15-Year-Old Girl Apology Smooch
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following new revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, who he calls “the greatest pedophile of all time,” President Donald J. Trump […]
Upstairs Neighbor Bad At Sex
WESTWOOD — Early Tuesday morning, third-year biology major Cee Bat was awoken by a loud noise emanating from above her, and was forced into a […]
Vampire Draws Line At Period Sex
WESTWOOD — Local bloodsucker and thousandth-year religion student Vlad Cullen was seen insisting to his suitors he was down for almost anything in the bedroom, […]
See You Later, Boy: Skater Boys Replaced By “Scooter Boys”
WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has […]
Experimenting Princess Clarifies She “Could Kiss A Frog, But Never Date One”
FAIRYLAND — Today, one princess set the record straight about her sexual preferences after being caught with a frog. “Even though I had so much […]
Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month
WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]
Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
Coming out to your family can be difficult. From telling your uncle you’re bicurious to letting your little sister know you’re transgender, you never quite […]
Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn
Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]