Epstein Island Thanksgiving Seating Chart Only Kids’ Tables
LITTLE SAINT JAMES — The latest low-resolution document dump of the Epstein Files revealed a 2004 Thanksgiving seating chart consisting of only kids’ tables. “Some […]
Politics
Opinion: To Solve UCLA’s Financial Challenges, We Must Invest More Money Into Israel
Hey guys. Westwood Enabler opinion writer Oiluj Knerf here. I’m a UCLA student just like you! I love my friends, I love my classes, and […]
Trump Gives 15-Year-Old Girl Apology Smooch
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following new revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, who he calls “the greatest pedophile of all time,” President Donald J. Trump […]
Democrats Advance Key Policy Goal of Strengthening Republican Party
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Weeks of less-than-firm resolve paid off Wednesday as Democrats forged a shutdown-ending compromise that accomplishes one of the party’s longstanding goals: strengthening […]
Opinion: Rejecting Donald Trump From Art School Was A Bad Idea
Rejecting Donald Trump from art school wasn’t the best idea. Listen, I know that Donald Trump’s art is absolute dogshit. Watching Donald Trump try to […]
Cuomo Promises Curtis Sliwa Sexual Favors to Drop Out Of Mayoral Election
NEW YORK CITY — In a last-ditch effort to thwart frontrunner Zohran Mamdani, independent Andrew Cuomo has promised Republican candidate Curtis Sliwa undisclosed sexual favors […]
Trump’s $1 Billion Settlement Shuts Down The Westwood Enabler
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Westwood Enabler has been shut down. On Friday, the Trump administration sent UCLA their proposal for a $1 billion settlement, in […]
Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]
Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”
WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]
Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]