Op-Ed: Being Called A Whore On Bruinwalk Led Me To God
Every sinner has a chance to repent. I was a sinner, and I didn’t even know it. I lived every day of my life thinking […]
Opinion
Submission: The Westwood Enabler Should Avoid Writing Biased Articles on Bruin Republicans
As UCLA students, we look to the Westwood Enabler when we’re bored in class or sitting on the toilet. Unfortunately, it is now more evident […]
40,000 Students and Not One of Them Has Found the Goose That Lays the Golden Eggs
Dear Students, As we begin the new quarter, it is important that we do not lose sight of what binds all Bruins together: our common […]
Local Voter Somehow Still Undecided
LOS ANGELES — Local keysmith and registered voter Adam Wells has still not decided which candidate he will support for President of the United States […]
Op-Ed: I’ve Been Treated Very Unfairly, More Unfairly Than Anyone
I’m sure by now you’ve all come to the conclusion I have, that the debate was a sham. Cheap Shot Lester Holt is a […]
Op-Ed: An Open Letter To Honda and BMW: Sedan/SUV Crossovers Do Not Belong On Our Roads
Alright Honda and BMW; you win. You have annihilated me with your demonic morphage of Sedan and SUV that I have seen clobbering gracelessly down […]
Op-Ed: Humor Isn’t A Defense Mechanism, Idiot
For years, comedic artists have been the victims of malicious attacks by the stale, unfunny masses who claim that we do what we do as […]
That’s An Awfully Nice Paper You’ve Got There
You have a wonderful newspaper. Truly, wonderful. I read it every week, and it always brings a smile to my face. You should be very […]
Op-ed: Everyone Wants To Dance For Pediatric AIDS But No One Wants To Help Me Kill My Doppelganger
When I heard about Dance Marathon my first year at UCLA, I was absolutely thrilled. Thousands of people getting together in silly outfits raising money […]
Op-Ed: As Your Diary, I Want You To Know You Disgust Me
Dear Rachel, You’re filthy. The secrets you’ve poured into me send shivers down my spine. I ache for the day a prying friend of yours […]