Nigerian Princes Sue Yahoo! For Defamation
LAGOS — Former internet giant Yahoo! is facing a lawsuit from princes in Nigeria, who claim Yahoo!’s handling of the “Nigerian Prince” email scam has […]
International
Classics Department Discovers Name of Victory Goddess “Nike” Just Short For “Nichael”
WESTWOOD — Following the discovery of a hidden vault in Athens, scholars of the renowned UCLA Department of Classics made a breakthrough concerning the “Winged […]
Saint Valentine Still Not Sure How He Got Caught Up In This Whole Thing
HEAVEN — Although he was venerated by the Church for his contributions to chivalry and courtly love, Saint Valentine is not really sure what he […]
BREAKING: We Have The Meats
FLAVORTOWN, USA—Sources, those sources being your mother #$&%@$@ tastebuds, man, report that fast food chain and purveyor of carnivorous atrocities Arby’s does, in fact, […]
Bruins For Israel Pretty Quiet This Week
WESTWOOD — UCLA students noted that the campus group Bruins For Israel has been pretty quiet this week following the killing of more than 60 […]
Study: Discarded USAC Flyers Make Up Majority of Great Pacific Garbage Patch
PACIFIC OCEAN — A study performed by the UCLA Department of Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences found that the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is primarily composed […]
Huge Upset: Avengers Infinity War Outperforms Amy Schumer Movie
HOLLYWOOD — Critics’ expectations were defied this week when Avengers: Infinity War brought in more money than Amy Schumer’s I Feel Pretty. “I’m extremely surprised […]
Administration In Turmoil: Rex Tillerson Was The Last Staffer Who Knew The White House Wi-Fi Password
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past fourteen months, you know that the Trump White House has been an absolute mess. It […]
UNICEF To Consider Starving Children On A Case-By-Case Basis Due To Budget Cuts
LOS ANGELES — UNICEF announced early Monday morning that it would consider providing meals to starving children on a case-by-case basis due to budget cuts, citing […]
Olympic Committee Reevaluates LA Bid After Seeing B-Plate Portion Sizes
MANKATO, MN – Just weeks after declaring the 2028 Olympic bid will be offered to the City of Los Angeles, International Olympic Committee President Thomas […]