Student Resents Professor’s Chinese Accent, Totally Fine With TA’s Italian Accent
WESTWOOD — According to sources, UCLA student Neil Taegan, known for openly mocking Economics Professor Hui Li’s Chinese accent, has no qualms about T.A. Sofia […]
Campus
Student Gets Head Start On Test, Asshole Status
WESTWOOD — Attempting to give himself more time on his exam Tuesday, second-year Statistics-major Mike Foster got a head start on his Math 33A final as […]
PETA Denounces Cruel Treatment Of Bruin Bear
WESTWOOD — Following UCLA administration’s decision to put a large protective box around the Bruin Bear statue in Bruin Plaza for “Rivalry Week,” People for […]
Students Take Break From Battling On-Campus Hate To Hate Crosstown Rivals
LOS ANGELES – Lobbing disparaging remarks at the Trojan student body during the UCLA-USC football game Saturday, students at the University of California, Los Angeles […]
Astrophysics Students Blinded from Looking Directly at the Sun
WESTWOOD, CA — A class of 23 UCLA students from the astrophysics general education course ‘My Star and Me’ were blinded this Monday after taking part […]
Report: Single Gourd In B-Plate Promises Festive Holiday Season
WESTWOOD — Sources confirmed today that B-Plate has risen the stakes this holiday season, as the addition of a single gourd to the dining hall’s […]
Freshman Has Yet To Meet Gay Best Friend
WESTWOOD — First year student Carly Lockwood told reporters last Friday that she does not understand how, in nearly two months at UCLA, she has […]
Powell To Be Converted Into Temple For John Wooden
WESTWOOD —The UCLA Department of Administration held a joint ad-hoc meeting last Tuesday with the Center for the Study of Religion (CSR) to discuss plans […]
Local Sorority Girl Only Mildly Satisfied With Big
WESTWOOD — Following her sorority’s “big-little” ceremony, first year Mikayla Montgomery revealed to Enabler reporters that she did not actually feel an immediate sense of […]
Rhythmic Sounds Coming From Roommate’s Bed
WESTWOOD — Late Wednesday evening, third year Electrical Engineering student Devin Thacker reported hearing loud, rhythmic sounds coming from the bed of his roommate, Tanner […]