Girl Who Didn’t Drink In High School Really Downing That Prestige
WESTWOOD — Upon the declaration that first-year political science student Kelsey Reinhart “didn’t drink in high school,” reporters observed Reinhart at a recent party going […]
Campus
Sociologists Suggest UCLA May Be Part Of Larger University System
WESTWOOD — Noting several similarities with other colleges in California, UCLA sociologists studying American institutions of higher education suggested on Wednesday that the Los Angeles-based […]
Bruin Democrats to Install Furniture for Echo Chamber
WESTWOOD — Bruin Democrats President Melissa Hargrave informed club members this past Wednesday that the club had received enough funding to install new couches for […]
Study: Frat Boy Currently Grinding On You Isn’t The One
WESTWOOD — According to a recent study conducted by your girls, it does not appear that the frat boy currently grinding on you is the […]
Olympic Committee Reevaluates LA Bid After Seeing B-Plate Portion Sizes
MANKATO, MN – Just weeks after declaring the 2028 Olympic bid will be offered to the City of Los Angeles, International Olympic Committee President Thomas […]
Hot Kevin From Chem Now Just Mediocre Kevin In Film GE
WESTWOOD — After sharing ten weeks with classmate Kevin in Chemistry 14B, second-year Biology major Marissa Johnson was disappointed to find that the same boy, […]
BREAKING: Thesis Statement Isn’t Actually A Thesis
WESTWOOD — After waiting in anticipation for feedback on the first draft of an essay that comprises 15% of her grade, third-year Human Biology and […]
Area White Woman Would Totally Date Nonwhite Guy, Just Never Had The Opportunity
LOS ANGELES — Area white woman Tracy Jefferson is completely open to dating a nonwhite man, but has never had the opportunity. “I mean, yes, […]
Bruin Republicans Back On Their Bullshit
WESTWOOD — With the Nov. 13 “Ben Shapiro: The Rise of Campus Facism” event, Bruin Republicans was officially declared to be back on their bullshit […]
UCLA_WIFI Acceptance Rate Drops To Record Low
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Office of Undergraduate Admissions and Department of IT Services announced in a joint release today that the percentage of students admitted […]