Jealous LA Metro To Debut Bigger, Bluer Bus
LOS ANGELES – In a move described as “childish” and an “unjustifiable use of public funds,” the LA Metro announced late Friday night it would […]
Articles by Georgia McNeill
Smokey The Bear Kinda Hot Now
WEST HOLLYWOOD – After a rebrand by the National Parks Service, local onlookers and passersby have been stunned by the fact that Smokey the Bear […]
Student Logs Lecture on Letterboxd
WESTWOOD – Following a particularly good LS15 class session, first-year film major Wes Scorsese logged the lecture to his Letterboxd. “Triumphant, in every sense of […]
Struggling Men’s Basketball Team Re-Recruits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
WESTWOOD – After UCLA Men’s basketball’s recent loss to Villanova, coach Mick Cronin has re-recruited Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in an attempt to revitalize the team. “We’re […]
This Can’t Be Good: US Declares Vietnam War 2
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprise announcement early Thursday morning, President Joe Biden declared the Vietnam War 2. “We had two wars in Iraq. We […]
Report: Strange Things Afoot
BAKERSFIELD — After an increase in sightings of shadowy figures and odd characters, many are beginning to believe that strange things are afoot. “The curse… […]
Biz Econ Major’s “Connections” Actually Just Parents
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Business Economics major Cornelius “Chad” Getty recently revealed that the “connections” that got him his job were actually just his parents. “I […]
Discussion Section Evolves Into Orgy
WESTWOOD – Third-year John Smith was aroused and afraid when his HIST 13B discussion devolved into an orgy. “I didn’t want to lose participation points, […]
Old Guy Can Show You A Thing Or Two
YOUR NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE — After you complained about the difficulties in your life, your neighbor and local old guy Rutherford McFiddlesticks explained that he may […]
Downsizing Parents Sell Car, Shoot Dog While You’re Gone
BAKERSFIELD — During your first phone call in weeks, parents Bob and Susan revealed today that they sold your car and shot your dog while […]