Articles by Gabe McNeill
Dune: Part Two Beats Out Magic Mike To Become Highest Grossing Film To Feature A Massive Worm
LOS ANGELES — With a stunning $500 million domestic box office revenue, Denis Villenueve’s Dune: Part Two has passed Magic Mike’s $167 million revenue to […]
Biden Administration Demands Ceasefire In Gaza: “But It’s Chill If Not No Worries”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following an announcement from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that the attack on Rafah would proceed despite international pressure, the Biden administration […]
Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible
WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]
New Chancellor To Be Chosen On “The Chancellorette” Mondays On ABC
BURBANK — Following declining viewership, ABC announced early Monday morning that they would be creating a new chancellor-themed spinoff to the hit reality TV show […]
Jealous LA Metro To Debut Bigger, Bluer Bus
LOS ANGELES – In a move described as “childish” and an “unjustifiable use of public funds,” the LA Metro announced late Friday night it would […]
Smokey The Bear Kinda Hot Now
WEST HOLLYWOOD – After a rebrand by the National Parks Service, local onlookers and passersby have been stunned by the fact that Smokey the Bear […]
Student Logs Lecture on Letterboxd
WESTWOOD – Following a particularly good LS15 class session, first-year film major Wes Scorsese logged the lecture to his Letterboxd. “Triumphant, in every sense of […]
Struggling Men’s Basketball Team Re-Recruits Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
WESTWOOD – After UCLA Men’s basketball’s recent loss to Villanova, coach Mick Cronin has re-recruited Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in an attempt to revitalize the team. “We’re […]