Worst Couple You Know Breaks Up
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, the two worst people you know ended their months-long situationship. “All men do is cheat, lie, and make massive, outrageous, pork-filled […]
Articles by Ammi Lane-Volz
Elon Musk Relegated To Cuck Chair At Trump Billionaire Orgy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Seating arrangements at the weekly Trump billionaire orgy have revealed that Elon Musk has been relegated to the cuck chair. “Guys, can […]
Opinion: Week Two Is Over, I Can Finally Drop The Mask And Start Skipping Classes
Well, it’s finally here. Week Two. I attended just enough class to know which professor is serious about attendance policies. I’ve dropped all my 8 […]
Person Who Woke Up For 8 AM Lived Ten Lifetimes By Time You Woke Up
SAMSARA – Local history major and winner of the self-given “bravest and most grizzled person of all time” award Jenette Broxton is reported to have […]
Opinion: Today, Of All Days, We Should Be Serious.
I get it. We all love April Fool’s day; we all like to have a little chuckle. We’ve got some reeeaal jokesters among us. But […]
Kafkaesque? This Man Just Turned Into A Giant Bug
PRAGUE — In an event some are calling “Kafkaesque,” businessman Greg Sammsa woke up this morning and found himself transformed into a giant insect. “This […]
“The Bugs Are Just Eating Me Out Today!” Says Person Who Doesn’t Understand Sex Terms
SALT LAKE CITY — On a nature walk this afternoon, local sex-term-not-understander Virgil Cox stated that the bugs were “just eating [them] out.” “Man, these […]
Gene Block To Be Sent To Farm Upstate
NICE FARM IN NORCAL — The chancellor’s office announced yesterday that at the end of the 2023-24 school year, chief executive Gene Block will be […]