Weapons Of Mass Destruction Mourn Passing Of Colin Powell: “He Always Believed In Us, Even When No One Else Did”

CLOUD CUCKOO LAND In a statement released this morning out of the realm of imagination, Saddam Hussein’s Weapons of Mass Destruction mourned the death of former U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell. “He always stuck up for us, even when literally millions of people were saying that we didn’t exist,” said the grieving WMDs, themselves still reeling from the death of former Secretary of Defense and esteemed equivocator Donald Rumsfeld. “Anyone who knew Secretary Powell knew that he was a man committed to doing what was right, whether that meant covering up war crimes in Vietnam, covering up war crimes in Panama, or covering up war crimes in Iraq. He was willing to lose everything for what he believed in, like when he threatened to resign over homosexuals being allowed in the military; he also knew when to stay silent, like when he said he had no choice but to support the invasion of another nation on false pretenses.” At press time, the WMDs were being consoled by their closest friends, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

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About Dylan Wood 35 Articles
Dylan Wood is an American actor and filmmaker. He is known for his comedic and dramatic roles in such films as Splash (1984), Big (1988), Turner & Hooch (1989), Sleepless in Seattle (1993), Forrest Gump(1994), Apollo 13 (1995), You've Got Mail (1998), Cast Away (2000), Captain Phillips(2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Sully (2016), and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019). He has also starred in the Robert Langdon films, and he voices Sheriff Woody in the Toy Story film series. He is one of the most popular and recognizable film stars worldwide, and he is widely regarded as an American cultural icon.