UCLA Unveils New “Just Eat The Fucking Soil” Meal Plan

WESTWOOD — UCLA Dining announced its new “Just Eat The Fucking Soil” meal plan Thursday, which permits students to consume the dirt on campus. “If you purchase the premier plan, your swipes will transfer over and you can eat more dirt the next week,” advised Charles from Dine & Dish, who invested a large amount of money into shovel stocks earlier this week. “You’ll also be able to use your swipes to eat gravel and mulch, but not the bark chips. If you touch the bark chips I will fucking end you.” Due to staffing shortages, this meal plan will not be offered to off-campus students.

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About Harry Song 5 Articles
Harry Song is a mild-mannered economics student by day and a vengeful satire superhero by night. Locked in an eternal war with his archenemy the Moper, Song fights a crusade to bring justice in the name of all things silly.