WASHINGTON–The White House announced in a press release this Tuesday that President Donald J. Trump has terminated one of the most prominent and influential supporters of his presidential campaign, FBI director James Comey. “There’s nothing I hate more than a fake friend. James used to write nice letters to Congress about Hillary Clinton’s emails and launch fun criminal investigations in support of my campaign,” said Trump, angrily deleting selfies of him and Comey from his unsecured Android smartphone. “A real friend would continue to systematically disparage your opponent even after you’re elected to the highest office in the country. Our friendship must have never really mattered to him!” At press time, President Trump was busy persuading Senators to pass the American Health Care Act so that he could fuck over the rest of his supporters as well.
