Tearful Jeff Sessions Puts Cheburashka Doll In Storage

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“I’m gonna tell them I recuse myself,” whispered Sessions into Cheburashka’s ear.

WASHINGTON—Attorney General Jeff Sessions burst into tears today while hiding his Cheburashka plush doll in the bottom of a plastic storage container, anonymous White House sources confirmed. “It’ll just be for a little while, okay? Just until this whole thing blows over,” said Sessions, gently stroking the beloved Russian cartoon character’s soft, fuzzy ears. “Are you comfortable in there? Do you have enough room to breathe? You’re so brave, Сладкий. You’ll be out of there before you know it.” At press time, Kellyanne Conway attempted to cheer Sessions up with a stuffed Curious George doll, though sources report that the weeping Attorney General cried “it’s not the same!” and threw the toy to the ground.