Early Hominids Clustered Around John Wooden Monolith Miraculously Discover Tool Usage, Basketball
DAWN OF MAN – Following reports that a mysterious large black monolith has encased the John Wooden statue on Bruinwalk, a local group of early […]
bruinwalk
Remember That Petition You Signed As A Freshman? Well, Now Your Family Is Being Held For Ransom
WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Patricia Le received news today that her family is being held for ransom after signing an environmental petition that exposed all their […]
Bruin Walk Empty, Bruin Bear Sheds Single Tear
BRUIN PLAZA — The moon shone brightly on Bruin Walk, illuminating a broody, steeping fog of silence up and down the bricks and leaves on […]
Scooter Reaches Mach 5 Down Bruinwalk
WESTWOOD— Students were shocked this morning when student athlete Will B. Quick achieved the speed of Mach 5 scootering down Bruinwalk. “All I saw was […]
Andre To Perform At Coachella
INDIO, CA — In an unprecedented announcement, Andre has announced via his Instagram page (@larger_thanlife_3) that he will be performing at the Coachella Valley Music […]
Student Body Breathes Collective Sigh Of Relief As Last Bruins United Campaigner Leaves Bruin Walk
WESTWOOD—Thirty thousand undergraduates at UCLA suddenly exhaled deeply, releasing a week’s worth of tension, yesterday at 3:10 p.m. when the last remaining campaigner for Bruins […]
UCLA Students In Uproar Over Cookie Shortage
WESTWOOD – Police were called in today to break up a riot that started after an unnamed pre-med student purchased the last box of Thin […]