Syllabus Very Clear About How Much Studying, Kegels Required To Get “A”

Graphic by Isaiah Little

WESTWOOD — In response to unexpectedly low scores on his Program in Computing 10A midterm, Professor Mikhael Gronkson impatiently reminded students that if they had properly consulted his syllabus, they would know exactly how many hours they need to spend studying and strengthening their pelvic floor in order to receive an A. “These scores are inexcusable! The front page of my syllabus very clearly states that an A in my class requires no less than two hours of studying a day,” said Gronkson, stopping briefly to talk before heading to his seminar on doula theory. “Yes, this course is admittedly difficult, but as long as you tighten the muscles in your vagina, bladder, and/or anus for ten sets of three to five second intervals — three times a day — then you should have nothing to worry about!” Gronkson finished the lecture by going over opportunities for extra credit as well as the benefits that tension-free vaginal tape can offer in treating urinary incontinence.

About Jay Varhula 23 Articles
The latest in a long line of miners, Jay stumbled upon the Westwood Enabler after accidentally mining through the floor into one of their meetings. In exchange for several precious stones, the Enabler made him editor-in-chief on the spot. Jay's hobbies include: mining for rare stones and metals, singing chanties about the miner's life, and pet photography.