Student With Den Pass Realizes They’re In For Long Year

WESTWOOD — Area student and Den Pass holder Kayla Parklamindi realized she was in for a long year today when the UCLA football team embarrassingly lost to the University of Oklahoma after shockingly losing last week to Cincinnati. “I paid $179 for this Den Pass?” said the freshman, pausing in the middle of her 8-clap.“The basketball team doesn’t even have a Ball brother,” she stated, “which sucks, because the football team is going to waste my time.” At press time, Parklamindi was seen trying to light her Den Pass on fire while crying before an effigy of Josh Rosen.