Student Enters Long-Distance Relationship with Hedrick Summit Resident

WESTWOOD — After long deliberation, first-year Dykstra resident Elizabeth Lowes has decided to follow her heart and pursue a long-distance relationship with Hedrick Summit resident Ronald Tanners. “I know it’ll be difficult with the distance, but I think we can make it work,” Lowes said, out of breath. “He’ll find time to walk down, and I’ll schedule time to walk up. I always have a travel piggy bank I can tap into for some Bird rides.” At press time, Lowes was breaking the news to her family that she will be spending next break away from home.

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About Ava Abrishamchian 6 Articles
Ava Abrishamchian, not Ayvuh you dip-shit. Her writing is sub par at best and her timing is even worse. She peaked in high school, and she still has not recovered. Believe me... somewhere in this hospital, the anguished "oink" of Pig-Man cries out for help.