CAMBRIDGE— After several months of careful experimentation, MIT’s leading neurologists have finally identified why scrolling through Chancellor Gene Block’s Facebook makes your dick twitch. “The UCLA student body trends submissive and has an unusually high affinity for granddaddy kinks,” explained Dr. Serena Fang, who is adamant that the 72 tabs of GILF (“Gene I’d Like to Fuck”) porn open on her computer were for research purposes only. “It is normal to feel your penis jump, leap, skip, or shimmy when looking at photos of the chancellor.” Other symptoms of what doctors have termed “geneorrhea” include increased heart rate, inability to focus on exams, and the overwhelming urge to masturbate in the Ackerman bathrooms.
