Report: Not Even Michael Jackson Knew Words To “Thriller”

By , in National News on .
Jackson is suspected of having phoned it in for roughly twenty-seven years.
Jackson is suspected of having phoned it in for twenty-seven years.

LOS ANGELES—Newly released footage of Michael Jackson backstage during his 1987 Bad World Tour reveals that not even the iconic pop singer knew the words to his hit song “Thriller.” “Thriller / thriller night / ‘cause I can tear your… moles… that elder goose told on its day trial…?” the footage shows Jackson squinting at a smudged lyric sheet and singing confusedly. “Godzilla thrill up / feel up right / So let me hold the tide and shed a gala fella tonight…?” At press time, the general public was profusely and defensively insisting that they “know every word perfectly and never looked up the lyrics.”