Report: Not Even Michael Jackson Knew Words To “Thriller”

Jackson is suspected of having phoned it in for twenty-seven years.
Jackson is suspected of having phoned it in for roughly twenty-seven years.
Jackson is suspected of having phoned it in for twenty-seven years.

LOS ANGELES—Newly released footage of Michael Jackson backstage during his 1987 Bad World Tour reveals that not even the iconic pop singer knew the words to his hit song “Thriller.” “Thriller / thriller night / ‘cause I can tear your… moles… that elder goose told on its day trial…?” the footage shows Jackson squinting at a smudged lyric sheet and singing confusedly. “Godzilla thrill up / feel up right / So let me hold the tide and shed a gala fella tonight…?” At press time, the general public was profusely and defensively insisting that they “know every word perfectly and never looked up the lyrics.”

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Sierra is an accomplished writer who has been with the Westwood Enabler for as long as many can remember. Years? No. Decades? No. The ancient Mesopotamians referred to her as "Shalduth, the Night Bringer" but she usually goes by "Sierra."