Southern Californian White Male Doesn’t Even Surf

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Anderson also disappointed his new peers by revealing that he was not a close friend of Chris Pratt.
Anderson also disappointed his new peers by revealing that he was not a close friend of Chris Pratt.

DALLAS, TX— At North Dallas High School, new student Todd Anderson from Huntington Beach, CA has stirred up a lot of conversation following his first day on campus. “According to initial reports from students, this new kid doesn’t know how to surf or even like the beach for christ sake. This is like a Texan who doesn’t fully embrace their 2nd Amendment rights,” said Principal Noah Thorpe, unable to keep a look of surging disappointment and anguish off of his face. “The student body and faculty are extremely let down by this most recent discovery. We anticipated so much, only to be let down by this fucking weirdo whose hobbies are art and music. Our PE teacher apparently tried to buy weed from him earlier, but apparently he doesn’t have any. ” As of lunchtime, bets were being placed on how many Prius’ Anderson’s family owned, as well as whether every meal he had involved avocado or not.