Report: Kelly Wants You To Sign Up For Dance Marathon

By , in Campus News News in Briefs on .
This is Kelly. Isn’t she chipper?

WESTWOOD—According to sources close to her, Kelly, your freshman year roommate’s ex-girlfriend who you talked to once, wants you to sign up for dance marathon. According to her friend, whose name you don’t know because you really don’t know Kelly at all, “Kelly really wants you to sign up for dance marathon. She says it’s lots of fun and a great opportunity to raise money to fight pediatric AIDS – did she mention that to you?” Upon your initial refusal, Kelly added you to a group chat on Facebook consisting of everyone she knows, saying “it’s time to come together as a school and dance” while you muted the conversation. As of third week, Kelly was sure that you would eventually change your mind.