WESTWOOD–Sproul Hall Residential Advisor (RA) Shay Stephens responded to a violent and fiery Keurig coffee maker explosion on the fifth floor this past Friday night. “The On-Campus Housing Regulations are in place to ensure that Bruins live in a safe environment on the Hill,” said Stephens as she documented what the Office of Residential Life (ORL) has described as one of the most heinous violations of the Housing Contract. “We do not allow students to have coffee makers in their dorm rooms due to the likelihood of incidents such as this occurring. Next time a resident pops a Donut Shop K-Cup into their Keurig, we hope they will stop, remember this great fire and consider the dangerous situation they are putting their fellow Bruins in.” At press time, ORL had authorized the deployment of Community Service Officers (CSOs) to raid the residence halls and seize all coffee contraband.
About Jack Lyons 68 Articles
Area Man. Freelance fraternity president. Aspiring father of two. Probable future Nobel laureate. Occasionally collude with Russia.