Unwelcome Mole Hair Invites Friends

WESTWOOD — Following last week’s tweezing, local mole hair Brian Guan McSilgian-Tube returned, having scaled its way up layers of human flesh and jabbing itself through its owner’s forearm mole. Unlike its last return, this time, the mole hair invited friends. “Heeeeeyyyyyyyy! I think you accidentally plucked me last time haha. The door was open so we went ahead and settled in,” said Guan McSilgian-Tube as it popped open a can of Dr. Pepper. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited some pals! This is Silas, and this is Tatiana ― Tatiana is so funny ― and this is Josh. Josh plays guitar so he might show us some tunes– hey, Silas, stop strangling that artery! Haha, he always does that. Oh, and did I already introduce Tatiana? She is so funny.”  At press time, the clique was seen screaming at the looming shadow of Howell’s Tweezerman.