Unwelcome Mole Hair Invites Friends

WESTWOOD — Following last week’s plucking, local mole hair Brianna Guan McSilgé-Tube pickaxed her way up layers of flesh and jabbed her head through her owner’s forearm mole, then, without receiving any permission, invited friends. “Heeeeeeeeeey! I think you accidentally tweezed me last time haha. But the door was just open so we went ahead and settled in,” said Guan McSilgé-Tube as she popped open one of her host’s Black Cherry Klarbrunn. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited some pals! This is Silas, and this is Tatiana ― Tat is so funny ― and this is Josh. Josh plays guitar so we might sing some Hozier la– hey, Silas, stop strangling that vein! Haha, he always does that. Oh, and did I already introduce Tatiana? She’s so funny.”  At press time, the clique was seen screaming at the looming shadow of their owner’s Tweezermans.

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Rejected from Bruin Woods.