Local Weatherman Gives Up

SAN JOSE — Local weatherman Grayson Rays seemed a little less energetic than usual during yesterday’s evening news, Zooming into the broadcast while laying in bed at home. “Welcome back to the weather, where we always have something to report on whether anyone cares or not,” Rays stated, popping a Hot Cheeto in his mouth between every word and rubbing the dust on his Snuggie. “We’re gonna be getting some rain down the coast tonight, or maybe not. Who cares? Anyway, here’s sports…wait, never mind.” Rays concluded his segment with a seven day forecast, predicting “you’ll be inside” for every day next week.

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Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a first-year English major. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.