WESTWOOD — The lights dimmed in UCLA’s Kerckhoff Hall this afternoon after the iconic building learned that it had been passed over for the coveted role of Harvard Law School in a new film, with the part instead going to the slick new Luskin Conference Center. “We understand that Kerckhoff has routinely landed larger-than-life roles, including Ivy League universities, but we want to completely recast Harvard Law as a more modern, cosmopolitan campus, which the young Luskin center embodies,” said a Universal Studios spokesperson, unaware of the crippling depression the building had already spiraled into, mold growing in its crevices from self-neglect. “Every university structure reaches a point in its life where you just don’t want to see it on the screen anymore. It’s 2017; people want to watch movies starring buildings with five-star restaurants and valet parking, not archaic castles with shitty coffee.” All is not lost for the aging hall, however, as Netflix is rumored to be interested in casting it as an older, wiser Harvard in a new original series.
About Jack Lyons 68 Articles
Area Man. Freelance fraternity president. Aspiring father of two. Probable future Nobel laureate. Occasionally collude with Russia.