Sometimes, beneath a rough exterior lies a heart of gold. United States President Donald J. Trump announced that he has donated his $400,000 salary to building a big new bomb that goes “BOOM!” The bomb is considered to be the new mother of all bombs, much stronger than the MOAB that the US recently dropped on Afghanistan, which went “BAM!”
Many of us thought President Trump was just a greedy old grouch, but boy were we wrong. Instead of making more money, he has decided to make the world safer with this big new bomb. We were all sad to see Meals on Wheels go, but now that we know President Trump has also made a huge sacrifice, it is clear that he is leading by example.
Defense Secretary James Mattis had long been working on a way to appease Trump’s foreign policy wishes. “Every day, I wake up to 30 voicemails of President Trump asking me how we can destroy ISIS. I always write him up a memo, but he doesn’t understand the big words. So, I presented him with two options: a bomb that goes ‘BAM!’ and one that goes ‘BOOM!’,” said Mattis, one of the most experienced people in the country at making things go “boom!” “He decided to drop the one that went ‘BAM!’ but asked why ISIS wasn’t destroyed yet. So, I told him, we can drop the one that goes ‘BOOM!,’ but it costs a lot of money to build. It’s humbling that we have a President who would give up so much for the ‘BOOM!’ option.”
Wow. So much secret military stuff!
With the public anxious about President Trump’s plan to combat ISIS using the big new bomb, he addressed the nation this morning via Twitter from his Mar-A-Lago resort.
“ISIS IS BAD! THIS BOMB WILL GO BOOM AND WE WILL DESTROY ISIS, UNLIKE PRES O WHO WAS TOO WEAK TO GO BOOM AND ONLY WENT BAP BAP! #MAGA”
Short, sweet, and to the point — what a man of the people.
As for the construction and deployment on the bomb, President Trump has outsourced the engineering and logistics to his son-in-law Jared Kushner, who is very smart about the Middle East and good at building things.