WESTWOOD–Sources have confirmed that the deadline for the Golden Key Honor Society, who warns you of its upcoming deadline every couple of weeks, is rapidly approaching. “Yeah, the deadline must be coming up, so I, uh… I guess I better get on that,” said sophomore Rachel Giovanni, who receives constant emails from the Golden Key Honor Society letting her know about the deadline. The Golden Key, which sends you an email suspiciously often about said “deadline,” is a prestigious group that recognizes superior academic achievement, and to which you’d better apply now before you miss the ostensible chance of a lifetime. “I mean, their website says they’re ‘not just good students, but scholars.’ Sounds fancy,” said Giovanni. At press time, the Golden Key sent out another email explaining how membership will improve your resume by taking attention away from your otherwise total lack of qualification.