LOS ANGELES — According to Girl Scouts of America, cookie sales in the state of California have grown over 250 percent since Proposition 64 passed last November, prompting the organization to explore new marketing techniques for the 2017 year.
According to Director of Sales Joan Keebler, the legalization of marijuana has brought unprecedented opportunity for expansion for the organization.
“We’ve essentially already saturated the soccer mom market,” Keebler said. “Right now stoners are an untapped demographic for Girl Scouts. By expanding our presence outside supermarkets, gas stations, and liquor stores – particularly between the hours of 10 PM and 3 AM – we are confident we will see growth.”
Keebler clarified that the organization will maintain K-12 girl scouts as the exclusive sellers of its products for the new hours and locations. She emphasized changes will in no way undermine the tradition that Girl Scouts has built over 100 years.
“Girl Scouts’ mission is to build confidence, courage, and character, and I can think of no better way to do that than through selling munchies to outside the Chevron at two in the morning.”
Not only does the organization plan to broaden in time and place, but sources say its design team has been working on expanding its products to include a new line of marijuana brownies. Director of Product Design Hannah Milano said the brownies have already undergone evaluation through a 20-person focus group with mixed results.
“Responses ranged from complaining the product was “weak 70s shit” to becoming completely comatose, but the majority of subjects responded positively and had polished off nearly 40 boxes of Thin Mints before falling asleep,” Milano said. “We would be ignorant to ignore the lucrative edibles market.”
These so-called “Mary Janes” are expected to hit shelves this April, while other changes will take more immediate effect. Though unconfirmed, it is rumored that scouts in grades 2-3 will no longer be named “Brownies” to avoid confusion.