BOISE — Boise, Idaho native and Mom-Extraordinaire Karen-Michelle Cooper sat down with the girls in our test kitchen to show us her fun, easy recipe for crystal methamphetamine. It’s perfect for the holidays, and simple enough that any busy mom can make it!
Then, just mix this pretty white powder with red phosphorus and hydriodic acid. Ideally, the red phosphorus should be organic: you should be able to find it at any Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s!
Almost done! Next, Karen-Michelle adds hydrogen chlorine gas to the liquid meth. The liquid should separate into beautiful white crystals. Remember, if there’s any moisture in the air, the hydrogen chlorine gas will turn into highly corrosive hydrochloric acid–better watch out!
Finally, just filter out the crystals and dry them! When wrapped in a cute sachet and tied with a little ribbon, they’re the perfect gift for anyone special this holiday season!
Remember, nothing says “I love you” like sitting by a roaring fire and taking a puff of that sweet fucking crank!