WESTWOOD — In fear of falling behind his peers, third year computer science student Edward Lu effectively turned himself into a computer yesterday before his midterm deadline in order to better understand the material. “I wasn’t able to figure out the necessary code as a human, so I took matters into my own hands and downloaded my consciousness into the computer itself,” typed Edward, who relinquished the use of his vocal chords for wires and circuit boards. “Now I don’t even have to think about what I code… I am code. It runs through my veins. I’m a god at Excel, and I can mine BitCoin like a champ, unlike those human normies.” According to Edward, however, turning into a computer has its downsides, as when he was walking to class a group of first-years attempted to install pornography onto his hard drive.
