Computer Science Student Downloads Consciousness Into Computer To Master Curriculum

Graphic by Isabelle Roy

WESTWOOD — In fear of falling behind his peers, third year computer science student Edward Lu effectively turned himself into a computer yesterday before his midterm deadline in order to better understand the material. “I wasn’t able to figure out the necessary code as a human, so I took matters into my own hands and downloaded my consciousness into the computer itself,” typed Edward, who relinquished the use of his vocal chords for wires and circuit boards. “Now I don’t even have to think about what I code… I am code. It runs through my veins. I’m a god at Excel, and I can mine BitCoin like a champ, unlike those human normies.” According to Edward, however, turning into a computer has its downsides, as when he was walking to class a group of first-years attempted to install pornography onto his hard drive.

About Carl Hatch 13 Articles
Carl Hatch is from Long Beach, California, or more appropriately, Strong Beach. He has also seen the video "Llamas With Hats" and The Walking Dead, so don't even ask.