

ISRAEL—Jesus Christ, the inspiration for the Christian faith, will take the next couple of days to collect a pair of sheepskin moccasins and a favorite sweater he left in the Jewish fishing village of Capernaum. “I finally had some time on my hands so I thought I would swing down and pick up a few things,” said the Light of the World, adding that he kept forgetting this stuff was down here. “Before this gets awkward, here’s the deal: this isn’t the second coming you want, but it’s the second coming you get. I’m just going to pick up some stuff and then leave you guys to it,” said the Lamb of God, setting out on the path to Capernaum with a tip of his cap and a reassuring grin. Pope Francis, in response to Christ’s recent appearance, petitioned God about once again being kept out of the loop.