Children Playing House Engage In Horrific Custody Battle

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The playground shortly before the battle began.

WESTWOOD–The playground at Westwood Elementary became the center of tense conflict as second-grader Jenny Katz, playing the role of “Mommy,” and third-grader Ben Quon, playing the role of “Daddy,” engaged in a horrific custody battle over Tatiana Fresno, playing the role of “Baby.”

Fifteen minutes into recess, Katz and Quon’s marriage was in shambles due to irreconcilable differences: “[Quon] wanted his friend Paul to be the ‘Doggy’ of our house, but Paul made fun of my Hello Kitty eraser last week, so he doesn’t get to be our ‘Doggy,’” stated Katz.

This disagreement resulted in Quon stating his desires to start a “new house with ‘Baby’ and ‘Doggy’ without ‘Mommy.’” At line-up time after recess, Katz was visibly upset as “Baby” had clearly decided that she wanted to live with “Daddy” and “Doggy.”

The saga continued into the next day at recess, where Quon had established the “Daddy, Doggy, and Baby house” under the blue slide, while also dictating that the “Mommy house” would be relegated to the patch of grass near the basketball courts. However, Katz managed to persuade “Baby”into relocating to the “Mommy house” after touting amenities such as an “[imaginary] swimming pool” and “unlimited [imaginary] candy.”

After a trip to the potty, Quon spotted “Baby” having a blast in “Mommy’s” imaginary swimming pool at the patch of grass near the basketball courts. An explosive confrontation between Katz and Quon ensued. This prompted the intervention of a Grown-Up, who separated the two and forced them to “think about their actions” and “the importance of sharing.”