Bruins United Platform Calls For Lower Fees, Better Resources, More ‘Moments That Take Your Breath Away’

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The updated platform was released along with a series of minimalist ads featuring the phrase “life is beautiful”.

WESTWOOD—Announcing a new, revamped platform for USAC Elections this week, Bruins United spokesman Jeff Brock emphasized the school’s need for “more moments that will take your breath away”. “Sitting on the top of Janss Steps, looking out onto the scenic landscape that is your school, grabbing your friends’ shoulders, swaying, singing ‘Hey Jude’ while still buzzing off of a dozen Jaeger bombs—these are the kinds of moments have been severely lacking,” said Brock, who seemed distracted by dreams of what the year could have been. “In fact, in spite of my drinking and guitar-playing, I really have not had one single moment like that all year. Campus leadership has to be held accountable.” When asked how the new administration would go about fixing this, Brock eagerly responded: “Diversity.”