BPLATE CATACOMBS — UCLA Dining unveiled its latest culinary offering, the Eldritch Concoction, Sunday evening in an underground ceremony featuring fanatical chants, quinoa, and ritual sacrifice on a BPlate-themed altar. “They made me drink it,” said disheveled junior Gregory Samsa as lights flickered and a suffocating black cloud swirled over the salad bar. “It’s corrupting me — consuming me. My dreams, my memories, my identity, all suffocated by the void and replaced with this… hunger. Soon, there’ll be nothing left. Please help me.” At press time, Samsa was unhinging his jaw to eat a BPlate employee.