
BUFFALO, NY — As the nation grapples with the Trump Administration’s decision to remove troops from Syria, area man Thomas Pitt took the drastic measure of pausing reruns of The Office to google what a Kurd is. “When I read what was happening, I knew I had to do something,” said Pitt, skimming the Wikipedia page for Kurdistan in between bites of a Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme. “It’s really horrible, leaving them to fend for themselves against Turkey, or Iran, or whatever. I consider it my responsibility as an American to defend our—wait, I think the Bills game is starting.” As of press time, Pitt was reportedly voicing his outrage with the administration by liking sassy Chrissy Teigen tweets during the commercial break.