WESTWOOD — Profusely denying any wrongdoing, Ackerman Union is alleged to have let out a little gas during seventh period PE this afternoon. “It was totally Ackerman,” said Michelle Jenkins, the most popular girl in school who frequently skips the timed mile runs because she “has a headache.” “We were all just sitting around in front of the locker room waiting for roll call when we all heard it,” she continued. “Ackerman’s face got all red and refused to admit it, but you know what they say: whoever denies it supplies it.” At press time, Ackerman had arranged to be picked up from school a period early to avoid even more embarrassment.
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Interim Editor-In-Chief, Full Time Smart-Ass