1. Tongva Steps
Nothing says “studious” like sitting on a wet, inclined plane surrounded by the sights, sounds, and smells of the vibrant UCLA slackline community. Reject our modern table-and-chair obsessed society and sit on the ground like your ancestors before you. The city is your campus and this grass is your laptop and the sun is your professor.
2. Rolfe Hall Courtyard
Assumedly named after the Nazi boy in The Sound of Music, Rolfe Hall Courtyard is home to an inexplicable and intangible evil that enhances any scholastic pursuit. Pull up the loudest, heaviest, coldest, most ergonomically diabolical metal chair ever forged by the fires of hell and play the dinosaur browser game for 10 minutes before your computer runs out of battery.
3. Kerckhoff Coffeehouse
The indisputable crown jewel of UCLA cafes addresses the age-old complaint — why are there so many tables in this dining establishment? Finally, a place with just the right amount: ten-ish. Pay homage to the legacy of oil tycoon William George Kerckhoff by glaring down the minimum wage student employee who has to listen to Clairo for twenty hours a week. Then, let that compostable cup erode into a goopy blob of sludge in your hand while you search for anywhere to rest your weary legs.
4. Boelter Basement Hallway
Rooms? Who the hell needs them! After checking out this labyrinthian nightmare building where behind every corner lurks more corners, collapse on the dirty floor and allow your limp body to be trampled by the hoards of aerospace engineering students looking for their next kill. Down here, neither your troubles nor Wi-Fi will find you and no one can hear you scream.
5. Elysee Bakery & Cafe
This hidden gem serves approximately 100% of the student body every day. Spend $15 on coffee and listen to a student who studied abroad in Europe talk about how he doesn’t believe in tipping before beginning your Herculean climb back up the hill, having completed nothing except wasting your Rocco’s money.