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The Crushing Desperation of Life

Opinion: I Tried So Hard And Got So Far, But In The End Does It Even Matter?

May 18, 2023 Harry Song 0

It starts with one thing, and I just don’t know why. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter how hard I try (keep in mind, I didn’t […]

Suicide Hotline Worker Gears Up For Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2015 Kushal Chatterjee 0

AUSTIN, TEXAS – Julius Camus, a veteran crisis counselor at the national suicide hotline’s call center in Austin, is getting ready for the busiest day […]

  • De Neve Oyster Night Ends As Expected

    WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in […]

  • See You Later, Boy: Skater Boys Replaced By “Scooter Boys”

    WESTWOOD — Folks all across campus have been saying “see you later, boy” to the skater boy, and hello to the scooter boy, who has […]

  • Math Professor Doesn’t Know That Half Of Ten Weeks Is Five Weeks

    WESTWOOD — This week, local math professor Dr. Ivil has come under fire after scheduling a midterm for Week 4, a week that is definitively […]

  • Stolen Goods Stolen From Place With Exclusively Stolen Goods

    PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless […]

  • BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often

    WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]

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