Ashe Center Doctor Diagnoses Patient as “Sick”
WESTWOOD—Earlier today, the Westwood Enabler received confirmation that a doctor working in the Ashe Center had diagnosed a student as being “sick.” According to reports, […]
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Kinky Lab Rat Likes Being Abused
SEATTLE—Noting a spike in the serotonin levels of test subject 110021a, nicknamed “Alfred”, scientists at the Bryer National Laboratory concluded this morning that the rodent […]
Murphy Sculpture Garden Sculptures Arrested for Indecent Exposure
WESTWOOD, CA – The UCLA Police Department arrested over a dozen sculptures in the Franklin D. Murphy Sculpture Garden Sunday on charges of indecent exposure. […]
Alanis Morissette Finally Catches Up On Word Of The Day Calendar
WESTWOOD, CA — 7 time Grammy Award-winning alt-rocker Alanis Morissette revealed to reporters late Friday night that the backlog of words created from falling behind […]
Spring Sing Mix Up Leads To Choreographed Hostage Situation
WESTWOOD — The much anticipated seasonal jubilee known as Spring Sing saw an impressive number of attendants as expected yesterday evening, though the otherwise exuberant […]
A Bunch Of Grad Students Just Doing Their Thing
WESTWOOD—A bunch of grad students were spotted in Westwood village early Sunday evening just sort of hanging out, doing their grad student thing. At approximately […]
UC Spring Break To Be Shortened By One Week In Observance Of Jewish Holiday
OAKLAND, CA – The University of California academic calendar underwent further modification Monday after UC officials announced the shortening of spring break for the 2014-2015 […]
W.E. Guide To 2014 Student Elections
Student Elections are often confusing, skull-smashingly boring affairs, where we have the chance to make the over-achievers and go getters of today become the politicians […]
Elections Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest
WESTWOOD—Members of student government announced today the cancellation of all elections planned for this week after campaign interest levels hit a record low. According to polls conducted […]
Bruin Statue Gives Birth To Twin Cub Sculptures
WESTWOOD — In an exciting development that has captured the hearts of the entire student body, the faculty at UCLA have confirmed the birth of […]