LAPD Pissed They Have To Take Freeway For Car Chase
LOS ANGELES—Two police officers from the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) said they were pissed off that they had to take the 405 freeway in […]
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Santa Delivers Coal To Rust Belt, Stimulating Economy
Johnstown, PA–In the early hours of Christmas morning, Santa Claus helped president-elect Donald J. Trump deliver on his campaign promise to reinvigorate the rust belt’s […]
God Confused About Fidel Castro Death Reaction
THE HEAVENS— After scrolling through Facebook over the weekend, God expressed genuine confusion regarding humanity’s reaction to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro’s death. “I thought we […]
Dr. Ben Carson Appointed To Remove Stick From Mike Pence’s Ass
WASHINGTON–With Donald J. Trump’s transition team still filling positions in his cabinet, the president-elect has announced the appointment of retired neurosurgeon and former primary rival […]
Gold In Them-Thar Hills Actually Iron Sulfide
BODIE, CA–The good dwellin’-folk of Bodie, CA, durn had a mighty hell of a shock this week when the fancy learnin’ men in town done […]
POINT: Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed / COUNTERPOINT: Have You Seen That Video Of The Cop Giving People Ice Cream Cones?
Point Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed By: Matt Styles Police Brutality Is A Systemic Issue That Must Be Addressed. Half […]
Report: Geology Professor Loves A Good Rock
WESTWOOD—Geology professor Dan Boggs remarked in his introductory geology lecture this past Friday that he loves a good rock, according to students in his class. […]
Racially Divided Town United By Shared Homophobia
BACKWATER, AL—Residents of Backwater, a small town in rural Alabama with deep racial divisions, have recently come together to celebrate their shared homophobia. “See, […]
Man Struggling With Unwieldy Water Hose Unintentionally Arouses Everyone Around Him
WESTWOOD—During a particularly heated bout with an unwieldy water hose in his front yard, area man Leo Simons unintentionally aroused everyone around him in an […]
Area Mom Uses Term “Hook Up” Incorrectly Again
LOS ANGELES—Area mom Lois Stevens reportedly used the term “hook up” incorrectly again yesterday when encouraging her daughter to attend her professor’s office hours. “Surely […]