Report: Grandma Way Nicer After Alzheimer’s
PHILADELPHIA – Local grandchild Emily Youngen was extremely relieved this Thanksgiving as she realized her grandmother’s severe memory loss has made her a much kinder […]
Food
Local Pizza Delivery Boy Shocked At Scantily-Clad Customer’s Lack of Money
RANCHO MURIETA — A local pizza delivery boy faced a shock last night when he delivered to a scantily-clad woman who didn’t have the funds […]
Survey Finds Candy With Razors Actually Awesome
WESTWOOD — A recent survey conducted by people who aren’t “fucking pussies” has concluded that putting razors in candy is actually sick as hell. “I […]
De Neve Oyster Night Ends As Expected
WESTWOOD — Last Tuesday night, what was supposed to be a celebratory evening with unlimited raw bivalves at the least refined dining hall ended in […]
BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often
WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]
John Wooden Center Replaces Treadmills With Giant Hamster Wheels
WESTWOOD — After months of construction, the John Wooden Center has unveiled its new cardio area, which features giant hamster wheels in place of the […]
Top 5 Dining Hall Beverages That Taste Like Squirt
For such a pathetic lay like myself, squirt comes around just about as often as this drink. Also, much like the splash zones I’ve experienced, […]
Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”
WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]
“How Will This Affect Saffron And Rose?” Asks Guy Trying To Form Opinion On Iran War
WESTWOOD — After hearing about America’s bombing of Iran, one man still could not pick a side to support until knowing the fate of local […]
Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
1. De Neve is already De Nasty. Let’s be real here. Out of the three main dining halls, which would be the least bad to […]